so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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