this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
