And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I want to have your abortion
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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