Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
