Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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