Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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