I have demons in me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
