Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
