I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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