He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
