Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
