he told me I talked like a deaf person
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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