is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
