I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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