That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
