Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Someone came in the potted fern
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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