I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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