Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize