I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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