Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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