I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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