Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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