meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
