Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
