who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i black out too much to be "responsible"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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