i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize