I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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