how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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