im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
