So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
