i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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