between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize