Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
