sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
