On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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