I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he puts the penis in happiness.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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