I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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