we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
