Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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