Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
