Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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