I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
