Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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