I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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