I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
