HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
