He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
