Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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