i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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