what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
