At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
