Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Princesses don't give blow jobs
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
