nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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