I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
