If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
