He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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