I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
