one might say we're banned from that church
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
