So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
