Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
