so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
