New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
