By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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