just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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