sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize