she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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