I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
