I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize