I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
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