I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
