To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
