so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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