We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
