I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
