Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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