If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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