I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
