Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
