When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
