i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize