Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
