question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
